Home

We are home and a bit jet lagged. Gabriel Teamir is asleep. Dave is back at work today after having gotten home at 7pm last night. Rosie is at band. I am doing piles of laundry and unpacking. Teamir is beautiful and alert and is often too busy looking at the world to allow himself to sleep which leads to occasional fussiness. I am still in awe of my son, Ethiopia, his birth family and Gladney staff both in country and US. God continued to heap on the blessings during this trip in so many ways. One of which was sharing a guest house and many wonderful conversations with the Rankins. I don't have a lot of words of wisdom or conventional tips - Dave and I are far from conventional. In Mekele, a man approached me at breakfast about being our tour guide - we negotiated a rate and had an awesome day...not very conventional. We took scooter taxis all over Mekele the first day there...also not very conventional. If I had to give advice in any form I would say to soak in your child's country like a sponge, take advantage of a birth family meeting if possible. This is who your child is and to pretend his life starts the day he is given to you is x'ing out half of him. These feelings have been a long time coming but my dear housemates helped me solidify this stance. Ethiopia is very different from the US...very different but an amazing place. Sometimes things there are not the way they are here. Choose carefully how you process this. I have read blogs of parents who write about their trip in a manner that I call holding a dirty kleenex "the food was nasty, the traffic crazy, etc. etc. etc" It bothers me to think that all this is is a rescue mission to some. Ethiopia has a proud heritage. Try to visit the cultural museum while there...so much information. We didn't get to see Lucy this time around - maybe next time. But in our independent excursion we stopped in towns and took photos and talked to people. We saw a stone church, tried a street seller's roasted chickpeas and asked a ton of questions. I sound preachy and I realize that...but I am very close to a child who was adopted and whose mother diminished her birth family, her beginnings, stripped her entirely of her birth name and now that child struggles. Is it because of that? I don't know. I am grateful for everything Ethiopia taught me and gave me and as I unpack physically and emotionally I discover more and more. It is humbling to have a birth family member beam at pictures of their now plumper baby and have them tell me how very lucky he is...it is not humbling because he is lucky. Dave and I and all of our family is lucky. No, we are blessed. It is humbling because of the selfless kind of love that wants this child to thrive. I was a basket case the last few nights in Ethiopia. I was mourning that my son in gaining a new life, lost his country and no matter how much of the culture I infuse in his life, it is still a loss. I mourn that there are people who love him so much on the other side of the world and he has lost them, too.

I'm done. I am probably preaching to the choir.

Pictures

Peace

This is the day...

So we have a ton to do in the next 3 hours. We are heading to Dulles and traffic on 95 north tends to be quite unpredicatable so we are leaving early to allot time for a walmart sortee in case we remember that we forgot something and time for a quick visit with my brother in Northern Virginia. Our plane leaves in almost 15 hours. It will arrive in Addis Ababa tomorrow night at 7. If all goes according to plan, we will meet Teamir on Friday. Saturday morning....hold the bus....did I just say I meet my son in 2 days?? 2 days!!! Hallelujah!! Saturday, we fly to Mekele, Makale, Me'Kele, Mekelle to gleen as much as we can about the cultural region T is from and to perhaps meet members of his family. I want to ask the right questions - things that Teamir will want to know one day. While that will be the highlight, there will also be other things to see there. If in the right place at the right time, we may see camels bringing in blocks of salt to market. I want to hit the market there and make some purchases for our son as he grows.

I continue to pray for those with court and for those who are waiting for a referral. It sometimes feels it will never come. It does come and for the most part all that follows is a blur and then you are at this moment.

To my fellow travel group peeps. See you on the other side!!

Peace

Can't sleep!

I tossed and turned most of the night. Preparations are almost complete and I will be meeting Teamir very soon.

Sunday, two of my bff's and a multitude of others threw a surprise baby shower for me at church. So many people knew and no one remotely slipped up. The footage of the surprise moment was silhouetted which is good because it involved a really ugly cry. I was already pretty emotional as this sinks in more and more. Church was quite weepy time as I thought about all of the needs God has met. So many details have been worked out. I wanted to be a mom to a baby. God granted the desire of my heart, years after that yearning began but when He granted it, He blessed me A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over. (luke 6:38) He reminded me He was there through so many little things - the nursery I wanted, clothes that are my taste, and loving friends who would come together on a rescheduled date with 4 days notice to send me off into motherhood. I am humbled. I still have so much to pack but Dave and I tied up so many loose ends yesterday. So here I sit on minimal sleep, needing desperately to go back to bed. I am praying for those with court and Robbin comes to mind. She is an amazing example of perseverence and drive and has taught me so much on this journey. I am up perhaps because I am supposed to be praying and praying I am.

So many beautiful things were said during the shower. But a woman read from her small group prayer journal and it was dated 5 years ago this week "please grant Dave and Ellen the desires of their heart to have a baby" - He has - His timing is perfect.

Peace

Fragrant Gardenias and Karaoke

Sweet One,

I am three days from boarding a plane and flying halfway across the world where your life and my life will never be the same. You, at your very young age have already had many "never be the same" moments. As I get closer to meeting you and immersing myself in your country, I grow increasingly solemn and sad as to how much you have lost and when we board the plane together, how much more you are losing. I will try never to forget that. You are my son. You are someone else's son. You will be American. You are and should always be Ethiopian. I will try to savor each moment with and without you in-country so that as you can grow I can tell you all about the beautiful tapestry God has woven in this world. You will come home to a family that loves you, hot summers, a kind church, gardenia bushes, fig trees, karaoke at the campground, your sister's 4th of July birthday with fireworks, a dad who always sees the best in the world, a mom with a strong, loyal heart that seeks justice and mercy who sometimes goes overboard on Christmas decorations and who frequently sweats the small stuff, an oldest sister who is very talented with cooking and sewing who is mom to your niece and nephew who are about the right age to play with, your in-house sister who is living with multiple growing pains but who is eager to meet you, a brother who comes a few days a month and more in the summer who does not know it yet but will probably be one of your favorite people. You are leaving behind a country I cannot fully describe sight unseen but one that from what I have read, is full of strong, proud citizens, a country that has never been colonized, full of scholars and athletes, birthplace of coffee (this is important to your father as is much more). I hope I do not make either home for you a fairytale depiction - in life, there is good and bad almost everywhere you go. I hope I can capture the good while there to share until we can one day go back. I know the coming weeks will probably be terrifying for you - new people, new smells, new food and clothing, a whole new world. I promise I will do my best not to expect too much, to help you feel safe in this world. I am so honored and humbled that I get to be your mom on this journey. Just a few more things to do and I will see you soon.

mommy

It's coming together!

I want to thank everyone for their kind comments, wishes and prayers. We are in overdrive. So much to do but there is an overall peace. We travel 5 days from now. We have tickets and lodging...well partial lodging, it will come work out, we just haven't taken care of that yet. I have a pet sitter, money belts and sling on the way from amazon as well as chargers and batteries for laptops and cameras. One of my colleagues at work has showered me with much love and advice. Teamir has a gently used deluxe exersaucer, a choo choo train to ride on, and some cute boutique-y outfits great for photo ops (her son is three and she was glad to pass these things on). Some other colleagues blessed me with clothes and aspirators, bottle brushes, etc. It was really kind and special. What a whirlwind...I got our changing table put together last night. We have Dave's son this weekend and a visit from friends scheduled on Sunday. Dave did something to his wrist yesterday so he is semi out of commission and I just got an update of my precious son. In the past month he has not only learned to sit on his own but pull to standing!! He has gained a pound and I must go shopping as I think he is too small for him clothes. His sister has taken to writing him letters. R is has a deep, old heart. I am savoring and for the most part not stressing.

Hope next week is a great court week!

Peace

It is with overwhelming joy and awe that we announce..

that we passed court today and are Teamir G. A. Silva's very proud parents!

We travel in 1 week! GULP! One week!!!

I am numb and thrilled.

More later....much to do.

Peace

PS - for the faint of heart, we told Mary last week we could be ready if there were room in the end of June travel group. I don't think it tends to flow that way. Also, Dave is choosing to leave 2-3 days early if possible to spend more time in addis.

Out of my hands for the day...

I never heard yesterday that today was a definite no go. I am comfortable in the pessimism zone - I live there. Dave said he is pessimistic about today...now THAT is a big deal. I woke at 1am (8am Addis time) and started praying, again at 4am and then again at 5am - Dave and I prayed at 6 am and I have been praying since then. What am I praying for? Not sure exactly - praying for what I want (to be sure - to be sure, a nice southern phrase I picked up when I moved to NC), praying for peace with the outcome - praying that I can deal with more uncertainty - praying that it won't be long before I become T's mom whether it is today or not.

I guess courts haven't closed yet - it is 2:30pm there. So I will pray and pray for Meredith and her little sweet potato.

I am thankful that today is the last day of school for the students and I have a gazillion things to think about and done before 12:25pm.

Peace

1 day and filled with peace.

I am sending huge vibes of energy toward Meredith, Ryan and Stella on this day of court. I spent time in prayer yesterday for them. I so hope they get a go!

I never thought in my adult life after all the detours I would be this close...this close to being entrusted with a child by God. For about 15 years it has felt like being the last one picked for a team or not being invited to a party that everyone else was going to. I have not always dealt with these emotions with a lot of grace or class. I have been angry, bitter and sad at times. Looking back, I see that this is the where and the when and the who all rolled into one. It saddens me for the loss my little one has already endured. His eyes look weary and sad at the ripe age of 10 months. My heart hurts for him in so many ways and I want to show him that life can still be sweet. I am bungling this train of thought. I also wanted to clarify something I said in my last post. I said T was lucky and I only meant that in regard to who his daddy will be. Dave has so many gifts I do not possess and I know T will love him. In the broader scheme of things, WE are the lucky ones, the blessed ones. A lady at church gets it. Her daughter experienced infertility and things finally worked out biologically but when I told her about our adoption, her response was "what a gift" - Yep, what a gift.

24+ hours....or maybe longer. Maybe even much longer, but I hope not.

Peace

So much fun!!

Don't get me wrong. I have waited my entire adult life to be a mom. I am beyond excited and hope beyond hope that this week will be the start of a lifetime with T. This is potentially the last weekend Dave and I had to play, so play we did!! R does not like theme park rides and I know that theme parks are a challenge with a little one so Dave and I hit King's Dominion yesterday for a last hurrah. We rode some really crazy rides mostly rollercoasters one after another and then left exhausted. We drove to Richmond for an Ethiopian restaurant only to find they were between lunch and dinner service. They offered to serve us but there is no way I could have accepted being an inconvenience so we went mediterranean. We got back to NC in time to meet some of my colleagues for some laughs and karaoke and R called with the proposition to sleepover at the house of the friend who had kept her entertained all day. We went to Sunday school and during the meet and greet at church (please forgive me), Dave turned to me and said "Let's go to Nags Head". So we sneaked out...I guess there is no sneaking with God. We boogie boarded to our hearts content and basked in the sun. We headed to a wine/beer/cigar shop and got a brand new red, went to Harris Teeter and got three new cheeses and came home to sit in the back yard. (This is not our typical fare in backyard sitting). It has been a perfect weekend of reflection and companionship. He is watching 60 minutes and we are planning on finishing our last Hague training when he is finished. I love this man. I am a lucky woman and T is a lucky little guy. This week likely begins the start of a two week visitation with his son and if all goes according to plan we will hop on a plane at the end of said visitation.

Peace

3 days...

Three days until court - telling eeyore to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Peace

Happy 10 months, T-man!!

Got a pic of a smile...finally...yesterday from Ryan! The update was the biggest gift I could get yesterday. Hopefully T and I will meet before his 11th month mark. I pray so!! 7 days until court. Time is flying as work is keeping me crazy busy. The last day of school for kiddos isour court date so it could be double cause for celebration. Baby T is standing...sort of which makes my heart sing!! Go, T!!

Peace